Building a meaningful and lasting relationship is one of the most complex goals that people sharing intimate moments are faced with. There is no clear cut formula in maintaining a relationship. Since the two parties in a relationship have unique personalities with diverse experiences, goals, vision and disposition, assessing whether a relationship will last long is a challenging task to do. However, there are simple techniques that will lead to a successful and meaningful relationship. These techniques have helped me in my own marriage. It wasn’t too long ago that I too was faced with the challenge of maintaining a meaningful and lasting relationship.
Important Ingredients in a Relationship
Sex
The importance of sex in an intimate relationship cannot be overemphasized. Although a relationship cannot last long with this factor alone, it is probably the fuel that drives a relationship to stay unscathed by various relationship killers. Many couples experience a decline in their sexual passion as they share more years together. In case you are experiencing the stage of declining zest in having sex with your partner, try to assess the root cause. In some cases, it is attributed to hormonal imbalance while others are adversely affected by a stressful workload or looking after the kids.
Recognizing the cause will play a great role in solving the problem. If you really value your current relationship, you have to take this really seriously. Do not assume that your partner will understand and will stay by your side until you are in good shape to make some changes. Relationships these days are very unstable and prone to lead to separation even for menial reasons; How much more so if the reason is a fundamental part of a relationship?
Time to Talk
Each day is filled with overlapping scheduled activities or tasks to be completed. This is the lifestyle that most of us have. There may not even be ample time to share what transpired during the day to the person you consider most valuable. Is that not an irony? If a person is the most valuable to you, then utilize all ways in order to stay connected every single day. Thanks to modern gadgets that allow more efficient communication means, it doesn’t take more than 5 seconds to send a mobile text message saying: “Hi! I miss you” or “How is your day going?”. The barriers of distance and busy schedules are no longer an issue like they used to be.
Of course, nothing beats the physical delivery of messages and sharing your day’s achievements and frustrations. Thus, needless to say, you have to do all you can to make way for physical contact with one another and a time to talk.
Feeling of oneness while maintaining your own identity
This is where many relationships fail. In one hand, some are too afraid that the relationship will not last anyways so they are too hesitant to merge their world with their partner. In most cases, this is brought about by previous undesirable experiences. On the other hand, some are drowned in the merging process that they cannot identify anymore with their own identity. We see here the two ends of the spectrum.
If you wish to build a meaningful and lasting relationship, you have to be ready to merge your personality with the other person without forgetting who you are. It is difficult to clearly illustrate the line where merging should stop. The test is whether you are able to feel like you and your partner are one spirit in two bodies but you could still go your way independently on matters that are affecting your identity. For example, if you are not into crafts and arts while your partner is crazy about it, you can start appreciating it without convincing yourself that you like it. This example however, is oversimplified. Dealing with a relationship is undeniably complex and it will take an effort on your part to discover your own identity as well as the identity you have with your partner.
Care
Sex without care is futile. If sex is the only foundation of a relationship, then it will crash into pieces once the passion goes cold. Defining care is not as easy as what the dictionary defines it to be. Likewise, the appreciation of the care that you give to another person may be variable. People give various degrees of appreciation to a particular act depicting care. With that in mind, consider this: If you wish to maintain a meaningful and lasting relationship, then you do have to study and take note of what your partner appreciates most. You may find that while figuring this out you get frustrated for not getting the compliment that you are expecting but be patient. Once you discover what really matters to your partner, their gratefulness and appreciation will show. And remember, everyone shows appreciation differently so accept whatever recognition and thanks that you receive.
Summing up, building a meaningful and lasting relationship needs time and nurturing; much like a planted seed. A successful relationship is not written in the sky or in a book somewhere; it is something that the two parties involved should work for by teaming up to learn about each other and draw the path to success.
So, have you ever had challenges in your relationships? How have you rectified them? Or, what is your success to building and maintaining meaningful and lasting relationships?
How to Build Meaningful and Lasting Relationships — 18 Comments
I think everyone’s run into these roadblocks, especially when life gets busy. I like to take roadtrips with my husband; we seem to kill all four birds with one stone!
@Christa. I am glad you have found a way to connect with your husband on a somewhat regular basis. Keeping that relationship alive and connected is so important. We too often find that a mini vacay does wonders for us. We find we actually have the time and energy to focus on each other and share some new memories.
I really like this post. 🙂 We’re pretty big with communication and always try to talk about things before they turn into issues, not that it always works. For the last few years, my husband had been playing World of Warcrap for 200+ hours a month (also working full-time) and he never wanted to really do anything else. Since WOW never can be paused, he would pass up doing things so he could keep playing. After a few years of my communicating how much it sucked, he finally (in the last couple weeks) deleted his account and opted for GameFly (to get Xbox 360 games by mail) instead. At least they can be paused, but he still plays them about the same amount—at least he made an effort.
@Jen. I agree with you that communication is very important in a successful relationship. I am glad to hear that communication helped you solve the issues at hand in your own marriage. Sometimes talking about things isn’t pleasant and we don’t always like what we hear but that flow of dialogue is so critical to hearing how each party feels about the subject. When you keep quiet it becomes a guessing game and both parties are stressed and unable to make the right decision since they are in the dark when it comes to how the other person feels.
My husband and I try to talk about everything;maybe we even talk too much sometimes but I think this is better than not talking.
I also believe communication like you point out is the most important because in order to be happy, you have to understand one another. My GF said I’ve improve alot with my communication and now we get a long just great:D
@Aaron. That is great to hear. Relationships always have their ups and downs which is inevitable but keeping the communication lines open is often the way to deal with those low points. I find that learning how to express yourself in a respectful yet honest way can do wonders for all of your relationships.
A relationship is kind of like a plant in the garden — it needs tender, loving care, and is most vulnerable while young. I agree on the sex & care, and agree that a couple needs to come together while remaining distinct. Two individuals, equal, in union, but still two individuals. Balance is important.
@Invest it Wisely. I agree. Relationships are like plants- they need to be nurtured on a constant basis. Finding balance has been something my husband have been working on since we have been together. We are constantly tweaking things so that we can both feel loved, respected, united and yet still two separate individuals. It is hard sometimes but like anything you have to keep working at it. How have you and your SO maintained your balance?
I think part of it is learning when to say “this is who I am and what I like” and part of it is also learning to understand “this is who you are and what you like”. When both partners learn to fully accept the other without wanting to mold them, there is harmony.
When one partner wants the other to be “perfect” (as they see it!) and see things from a one-sided perspective, then there are problems. It’s worse if the other partner is complicit and allows this to happen.
So, I think it’s a combination of a bit of push & pull along with love and care. Firm love, not soft mushy love that collapses if you step on it.
@Invest it Wisely. You are absolutely right. Are you sure you aren’t a relationship coach in your spare time?!
What you mentioned is the exact thing that I have had to work on in my marriage. Both my hubby and I are strong willed and have no problem expressing our opinion. We often run into issues because we are doing exactly what you mentioned- trying to change the other person. It really is hard to not let that catch up on you sometimes. We have been working harder to both be more accepting of one another and it has improved things. This is something though that we will always need to work at for many years to come because as individuals we change throughout the years.
And you are right. Mushy love will never last. Your relationship needs to be build on a solid and realistic foundation- one that allows a bit of wear and tear so to speak.
The most important thing is that you are both willing to work at it and try!
Nah, not a relationship coach 😉 I’m just the unfortunate victim of being exposed to recurring breakups of friends, though in my own personal life I’ve only had one SO and still with her! Not that we haven’t had our own tribulations… but in HS and college I was more socially awkward and it’s only near the end of college that I was able to step up my game. I don’t have any regrets as far as that’s concerned though, as she’s great. 😉
@Invest it Wisely. That’s great to hear. I had to go through a few goof balls before I found my hubby but I have no regrets. I learned something from each relationship and I became an even better person each time. I have a lot more confidence now than I used to which helps a lot in working to make things work. It is good that we are both trying. We are actually both very committed people. Our rings were inscribed with “through thick and thin” and we often remind ourselves of this. It is our motto through life. No matter what happens we stick together and figure it out. Most times we do ok, but like you said there are those moments sometimes where we need to remind ourselves of what is important.
I’d like to add the importance of compromise to make a relationship endure. Altough personally, I like to get my own way, :)my decades long marriage is a testament to both our abilities to compromise when necessary!!!
@Barb. You are totally right. Compromise definitely has its place in a relationship. We have found that we constantly work on trying to meet each others needs and find a balance where we can both feel good with a decision. This compromise comes in especially handy when we chat about finances. We work as hard as we can to find a solution that works for both of us.
Studies revealed that men who ejaculate at least thrice a week have less risk of getting prostate cancer. Another study stated that doing “it” more often with your partner makes the relationship healthier and stronger.
@Cherleen. I have read something similar. Intimacy is fundamental to our health and the status of our relationships. The hard part though is not letting things get in the way so that you actually have the time and energy for this.
I think everyone’s run into these roadblocks, especially when life gets busy. I like to take roadtrips with my husband; we seem to kill all four birds with one stone!
@Christa. I am glad you have found a way to connect with your husband on a somewhat regular basis. Keeping that relationship alive and connected is so important. We too often find that a mini vacay does wonders for us. We find we actually have the time and energy to focus on each other and share some new memories.
So where do you like to go on your road trips?
I really like this post. 🙂 We’re pretty big with communication and always try to talk about things before they turn into issues, not that it always works. For the last few years, my husband had been playing World of Warcrap for 200+ hours a month (also working full-time) and he never wanted to really do anything else. Since WOW never can be paused, he would pass up doing things so he could keep playing. After a few years of my communicating how much it sucked, he finally (in the last couple weeks) deleted his account and opted for GameFly (to get Xbox 360 games by mail) instead. At least they can be paused, but he still plays them about the same amount—at least he made an effort.
@Jen. I agree with you that communication is very important in a successful relationship. I am glad to hear that communication helped you solve the issues at hand in your own marriage. Sometimes talking about things isn’t pleasant and we don’t always like what we hear but that flow of dialogue is so critical to hearing how each party feels about the subject. When you keep quiet it becomes a guessing game and both parties are stressed and unable to make the right decision since they are in the dark when it comes to how the other person feels.
My husband and I try to talk about everything;maybe we even talk too much sometimes but I think this is better than not talking.
Thank you for sharing your story.
LOL World of WarCRAP.
I haven’t heard of that one!
@Y&T. Apparently he had quite the addiction. Sounds like things are better now.
I also believe communication like you point out is the most important because in order to be happy, you have to understand one another. My GF said I’ve improve alot with my communication and now we get a long just great:D
@Aaron. That is great to hear. Relationships always have their ups and downs which is inevitable but keeping the communication lines open is often the way to deal with those low points. I find that learning how to express yourself in a respectful yet honest way can do wonders for all of your relationships.
A relationship is kind of like a plant in the garden — it needs tender, loving care, and is most vulnerable while young. I agree on the sex & care, and agree that a couple needs to come together while remaining distinct. Two individuals, equal, in union, but still two individuals. Balance is important.
@Invest it Wisely. I agree. Relationships are like plants- they need to be nurtured on a constant basis. Finding balance has been something my husband have been working on since we have been together. We are constantly tweaking things so that we can both feel loved, respected, united and yet still two separate individuals. It is hard sometimes but like anything you have to keep working at it. How have you and your SO maintained your balance?
I think part of it is learning when to say “this is who I am and what I like” and part of it is also learning to understand “this is who you are and what you like”. When both partners learn to fully accept the other without wanting to mold them, there is harmony.
When one partner wants the other to be “perfect” (as they see it!) and see things from a one-sided perspective, then there are problems. It’s worse if the other partner is complicit and allows this to happen.
So, I think it’s a combination of a bit of push & pull along with love and care. Firm love, not soft mushy love that collapses if you step on it.
@Invest it Wisely. You are absolutely right. Are you sure you aren’t a relationship coach in your spare time?!
What you mentioned is the exact thing that I have had to work on in my marriage. Both my hubby and I are strong willed and have no problem expressing our opinion. We often run into issues because we are doing exactly what you mentioned- trying to change the other person. It really is hard to not let that catch up on you sometimes. We have been working harder to both be more accepting of one another and it has improved things. This is something though that we will always need to work at for many years to come because as individuals we change throughout the years.
And you are right. Mushy love will never last. Your relationship needs to be build on a solid and realistic foundation- one that allows a bit of wear and tear so to speak.
The most important thing is that you are both willing to work at it and try!
Nah, not a relationship coach 😉 I’m just the unfortunate victim of being exposed to recurring breakups of friends, though in my own personal life I’ve only had one SO and still with her! Not that we haven’t had our own tribulations… but in HS and college I was more socially awkward and it’s only near the end of college that I was able to step up my game. I don’t have any regrets as far as that’s concerned though, as she’s great. 😉
@Invest it Wisely. That’s great to hear. I had to go through a few goof balls before I found my hubby but I have no regrets. I learned something from each relationship and I became an even better person each time. I have a lot more confidence now than I used to which helps a lot in working to make things work. It is good that we are both trying. We are actually both very committed people. Our rings were inscribed with “through thick and thin” and we often remind ourselves of this. It is our motto through life. No matter what happens we stick together and figure it out. Most times we do ok, but like you said there are those moments sometimes where we need to remind ourselves of what is important.
I’d like to add the importance of compromise to make a relationship endure. Altough personally, I like to get my own way, :)my decades long marriage is a testament to both our abilities to compromise when necessary!!!
@Barb. You are totally right. Compromise definitely has its place in a relationship. We have found that we constantly work on trying to meet each others needs and find a balance where we can both feel good with a decision. This compromise comes in especially handy when we chat about finances. We work as hard as we can to find a solution that works for both of us.
Studies revealed that men who ejaculate at least thrice a week have less risk of getting prostate cancer. Another study stated that doing “it” more often with your partner makes the relationship healthier and stronger.
@Cherleen. I have read something similar. Intimacy is fundamental to our health and the status of our relationships. The hard part though is not letting things get in the way so that you actually have the time and energy for this.